Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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