I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
