toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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