I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
