just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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