3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize