I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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