He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
