i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
