508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
