Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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