woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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