Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
