he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His hands were made for my vagina.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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