we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
