We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
