i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
