I haven't been this sober since birth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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