Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
