I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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