Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
