When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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