You're completely useless in the revolution.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
