well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
