his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
