now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont even know how to be here
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
