That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
