I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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