I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
