last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
