someone get that fucking seahorse.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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