Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
