I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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