I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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