I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
