I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A bitchslap is in order.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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