a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
