During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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