Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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