I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
