I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
