it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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