Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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