She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
