Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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