Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
