I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
