well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
