There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
