gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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