True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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