my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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