she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
