Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I pour the whiskey from now on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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