This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
