I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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