you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
