I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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