Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize