I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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