I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
