She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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