the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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