Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
