trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
