Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
