oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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