omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
